I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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