I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize