Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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