I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
