nutella sex= disaster
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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