remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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