He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
