im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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