I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
