what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize