when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
