he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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