Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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