she was so not down for the gang bang
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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