opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
