i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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