You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize