He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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