did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
