Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
