I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
