JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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