Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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