it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
