I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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