Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
