1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
