Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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