Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
