oh god the rape fog is back!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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