We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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