Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
