Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
