youre lurking in front of me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
