I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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