I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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