I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize