i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
