i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
