why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
