i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
