I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
