WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
