You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
another moral hangover. fuck.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He has the fingertips of a God
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