So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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