I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
