Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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