you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
