I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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