Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
