I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
