I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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