I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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