I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
