some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
