I want to have your abortion
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
