If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
