I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
