I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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