I hate all girls vehemently.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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