Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
