she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
