Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
