Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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