Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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