If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
why do cheetos always look like penises
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
