How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
