It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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