my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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