I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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