If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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