What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
