I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
