Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
