My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
