By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
