nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
