Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
