why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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