He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
