I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
