he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
