R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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