I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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