did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
