yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
