She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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