so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize