i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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