listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
