That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
