just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
