He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
