I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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