I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
