Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
