this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
