Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
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