Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
