her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
