i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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