well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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