I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
