I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
