Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize