So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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