Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
