i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize