did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is wine microwaveable?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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