By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
