the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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