there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
