I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize