At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
