This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
