If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
